Birthday Party Tease

Y'all, one of my not-so-secrets is that I'm a bit of a foot fetishist. More specifically, I like to have my feet played with—and to, um, play with others with my feet.

I'm telling you this so you can understand the context for this little real-life account. It was so fun and spontaneous I thought I would take a page out of my friend Casey's book and blog about it.

My nephew had a birthday earlier this week; when I asked him what I could do to make his birthday special, he said, "Will you make my cupcakes?" Of course I would.

And I did—a tray full of them: 36 chocolate-iced cupcakes, loaded onto a large jelly-roll pan. Some had sprinkles, some didn't. There were more than we needed to celebrate, but who complains about extra cupcakes?

That tray, though... it was so full, and I was sure I would drop them. Holding them in my lap on the way over to my brother's house, I made hubby go extra-slow so that I could balance it more easily. Then, easing out of the van, sneaking inside, and... phew, finally! Made it to the kitchen.

Two of my brothers were there with their children, and some neighbors had come over as well. My sister-in-law had a good plan for the day: play, then presents, and finally cupcakes. The kids played for a while in sprinklers in the yard, and then back inside to open gifts. While the birthday boy was showing off his favorite present, I motioned for hubby to come help me in the kitchen.

We put in eleven candles and found some matches, then I hoisted the giant tray again to make for the door, which hubby held open for me. Just then, one of the smaller kids darted through the kitchen to go to the bathroom, almost bumping into me and startling us both. I stepped back suddenly; just as I had feared, a few of the cakes began to slide and topple.

"Oh no, oh no, oh no!" I muttered as I staggered and swiveled, trying to regain secure footing for my tray—thank gawd we hadn't lit those candles yet! Somehow, all but one stayed on the tray, but that one fell and, as if in slow motion, toppled and spun toward the ground, landing frosting-side down. On top of my foot. Shit!

I couldn't really see it for the tray, so I held it out from my body and looked down. My sandal straps had a smear of chocolate across two of them, and the top of my bare foot bore a round, messy splotch of frosting. What a mess.

Hubby sprang into action, letting the door swing closed and kneeling down to pick up the cupcake almost before it had stopped rolling on its side across the floor. From his knees, he said matter-of-factly: "Oh... it must have landed on your foot. Here, let me do something about that."

And he grabbed my foot, lifting it up and forcing me to balance on the other. "Honey, what the hell? I'm gonna fall over. Honey, the tray..."

As I swayed and twisted on my one foot, I felt the other raised higher still, until my bent knee was almost touching the tray. Suddenly, hubby's wet, warm tongue swiped across the top of my foot. I giggled in spite of myself, then whispered in the harshest tone I could muster, "Honey! What if someone comes in here?"

He didn't care, and after another couple of licks neither did I; He bathed most of my foot right there in the kitchen, licking it like it was itself a cupcake ready to be eaten. Even though I was still fighting to keep my balance, my box tingled a little and I let out a soft, low moan.

Soon enough, he eased my foot back to the ground; I looked down again to see that there was no trace of the frosting left on my foot. Hubby rose to his feet again and moved to the door, opening it again and holding it for me to go through.

As I passed him, he whispered, "Is there any more of that frosting left over at home?"

My brothers and sisters-in-law smiled back at me, naturally assuming that I was simply happy to celebrate my nephew's birthday. Little did they know...

Review: Doc Johnson Violet Gems Glass Wand

I've had my eye on glass toys for a while; until recently, however, I hadn't had a chance to try one out. This one, the Black Rose Violet Gems Wand from Doc Johnson, came as a gift from a reader! (Thanks so much, reader!!)

What's so appealing about glass toys? Well, for starters, they offer a totally different texture and feel than silicone or plastic ones; they are more rigid, firm, and inflexible (for obvious reasons) than any of the others. They are also oh-so-slippery; I'll comment more about this in a sec. Another intriguing feature is that they allow more creative options, like heat and cold (soak it in hot water for heat; put it in the fridge for cold), which can be stimulating in new and, frankly, thrilling ways. After trying this one out, I can assure you that this won't be my last glass toy.

This Wand is fairly large; as you can see from the picture, there are four "knobs" formed into it, and my husband was able to work the third knob into me, but much more was uncomfortable. There's plenty of wand here for even the hungriest of holes. In spite of its length, it's nicely tapered and not too thick; the base/end is easy to grasp and comfortable in the hand, too.

We tried it out first when he was going down on me, after he had already gotten going for a few minutes. Without any additional lube, it slipped in easily—glass, of course, being an already fairly slick surface, all the more when mingled with spit and other juices. Once inside me, it felt wonderful! the different texture from the other toys I'm used to was a welcome variation, and the different sizes of the shaft gave it a nice contour. I was already on the way to an orgasm, but the Wand definitely helped things along.

Another time I gave it a go by myself, and this time I heated it up by running hot water over it for a few minutes. A quick swipe of Gun Oil across my lips gave it all the help it needed, and in it went—I have a feeling I could have just licked it, and that might have been enough lube. The heated glass was a surprising change; very different from the "warming" lubes I've tried, but a similar effect of making all of the stimulation a little embellished. I usually like a little vibration in my inserted toys, or the ability to move against it more myself (as in, mounting it on a hard surface, such as in the shower), but I was able to get off with the Wand and a bit more wrist activity than I'm used to.

The base of this toy looks wide enough in diameter to fit into some harnesses; however, the protruding "gem" mounted in the back may prevent this from working effectively, as it did with my favorite harness. Also, because of the weight of the Wand (and caution about the materials its made of), I would urge you to be very careful about using this in any sort of harness, unless you are absolutely certain it won't fall out. And, given the length (and my own experience about its capacity for uncomfortably deep penetration), be extra-careful not to be too rough with it, in a harness.

Being glass, of course, means that this toy is 100% non-latex and is phthalate free, and thus hypoallergenic. Also, because it's glass, it's super-easy to clean, and it's even labeled as dishwasher-safe (which, because of the presence of kids in our home, we won't be testing out). This Wand is borosilicate glass, which is the same kind of glass as the Pyrex measuring cup or casserole dish in your kitchen—which means, it's tough and can withstand variations in temperature very well, but it can still break. If your toy chips or cracks at all, I highly recommend that you stop using it immediately to avoid severe injury.

An important disclaimer: despite what the Amazon listing says, this is NOT a butt plug; please don't try to use it as one! It is way too long to be used safely in the manner that a butt plug typically is—that is, inserted all the way to the base. This toy is best classified as a "probe" which means among other things that, yes, it can be used for anal play, but isn't intended for that sole purpose.

Overall, I like the Black Rose Violet Gems Wand a lot, and foresee it coming out of the toy box fairly regularly. I give it four and a half out of five "Os," holding back the one "O" because of the gem in the end which keeps me from using it in my harness. Apart from this, the Wand is a great, fun new toy! Thanks again to my generous reader who sent it along. (And if you like this review, check out all of My Reviews.)

Buy the Doc Johnson Black Rose Violet Gems Glass Wand:

Review: Astroglide Lubricant

When it comes to lubrication, the higher-end and specialized lubes are great; I've reviewed some before, and I actually have a few more in the queue for future reviews. But some of these can be harder to find, and are often on the more expensive end. How about something you can find at your local Walmart or pharmacy? Among these, my go-to pick is Astroglide.

I've used several of Astroglide's lubes, but my favorites are the Astroglide Gel and their Astroglide Liquid Personal Lubricant. Both are water-based lubricants, which I've mentioned before are my preferred bases for easier cleanup.

The liquid personal lubricant (their original product, from what I can tell) is a nice, thin liquid that runs across skin very nicely—it will spread and flow to fill the cracks around it. The label also calls it a "vaginal moisturizer" which it excels at, as well. This stuff is perfect for getting me prepped before a little toy-play, or for giving hubby a nice "rub-down." The consistency is almost like vegetable oil, but a bit thinner. It isn't flavored, but the taste that it does have isn't unpleasant; a little bit sweet, but otherwise nondescript. I keep a small (2.5 oz.) bottle of this in my overnight makeup bag, and another in my purse, for those "just in case" situations. 

The much thicker gel is what you would hope and expect from a gel: it doesn't "run" or flow anywhere, but stays where you put it. I like the gel version in three circumstances. First of all, it's great for back-door, anal play; because of the thicker viscosity of the gel, it will really get in there and lube up a butthole pretty thoroughly. Second, I like it for when I want to coat my toy(s) with lube before use; it will cling to the toy nicely, and not evaporate. Third, it's a great option for use in the shower because the thickness prevents it from washing away as rapidly—in fact, the water from the shower will really get this stuff very slippery! (Because it's water-based, it's not as good for the tub.) The gel isn't as thick as, say, vaseline, but it is thicker than a typical shampoo or hand lotion. It too has a not-unpleasant nondescript taste. Unlike most lubes that I've used, I find that a little of the Astroglide Gel goes a long way; it also doesn't need as much re-application as other lubes I've tried.

One down-side to water-based lubricants in general—and Astroglide is no exception here—is that, as they do begin to dry out, they can leave a tacky/sticky feeling on the skin surfaces they touched. This can be dealt with by re-moistening a little (a few drops of water or even some saliva will encourage the slipperiness to return), and it goes away fairly quickly. But for those moments when it is there—say, on your hands after rubbing some all over *ahem* your husband's member—it can be momentarily unpleasant.

Another comment with both pro and con implications: Astroglide products all come with a flip-cap cover that is fairly easy to get into one-handed; very useful, right? But, the covers on the bottles of Astroglide liquid are somewhat flimsy; it isn't very hard for the flip-cap to be broken off, or to pop open when you don't want it to. I have had a bottle open and leak all of its contents out in my makeup bag once, which left a little gooeyness all over the other containers.

Astroglide makes a variety of options: there's a warming formula, silicone-based lubes, sensitive skin versions, and even flavored varieties. As I mentioned above, I've tried several of these; the two I have reviewed here are my favorites, but (as always) your mileage may vary. All of them are very reasonably priced, and many varieties are commonly available at big-box stores, pharmacies, and even grocery stores.

I give it four and a half out of five "Os," because of the flimsy cap on the liquid bottle. Besides that, Astroglide is a great lube and plenty capable to meet most peoples' needs. (And if you like this review, check out all of My Reviews.)

Buy Astroglide: